Jesus has my heart.

One of the blogs I posted recently, Just what I needed, I wrote towards the end, ‘I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God.’. In such a short time, mostly in the experience of the sense of love that comes with opening your heart up to Jesus, my perspective on this sentence has changed dramatically.

Let me dissect this for you a little, and hopefully bring you to a deeper understanding of the life changing transition I have been going through and why it is vitally important we all begin such transitions, sooner rather than later.

The first part of the sentence I want to focus on is the first two words, ‘I don’t’. One of the most ongoing discussions throughout all of the ages has been the philosophical/psychological question of, who am ‘I’, or, who is this ‘I’ I speak of, essentially, what is that makes me, me. I am not going to even begin to break that down in this blog as I could, and will, write a book about such things at some later stage in this life. So for now, I will say in short that the make up of ‘I’ is filled with a lot of variables and complex processes that  create our identities. Our identities are made up of all of the things we identify with, or don’t identify with perhaps. The reason for such identification is complex of course, however, in a nutshell, it is made up from our moral, social, psychological, political and spiritual understanding of the world.

When I said, ‘ I don’t actually identify with any religion myself’, what I was saying there is, I chose not to identify with any religion because I was, like so many more millions of people, led to believe all the dogma and wrong doings that have happened all around the world in the name of a religion, and in this case Christianity. Why would I want to identify with a religion that has condoned war? What about the shocking cases of paedophilia within the Church? When stories like this are common knowledge, it is very easy for people to generalise such events and impose these views on Christianity as whole. It was even easier for me to not identify with any religion as the rebellious version of me was still present, clinging on to me by the threads of my hair.

However, something happened at Hope Church Thetford, I realised the truth in Jesus Christ, and have since been discovering even more mind-blowing truths about the Son of God. If we look at the whole sentence, ‘I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God.’, we can see in the second half of the sentence that I have an understanding of God. This understanding has only been confirmed and re-solidified by opening the doors of my heart to Jesus, in which there is only space for him, and one other when God permits, but foremost my heart is now home to our Saviour.

A huge part of this acceptance has been looking upon Jesus in awe, I see a man who was able to perform miracles as he was free from ego, which allowed him to dance and play so effortlessly in Our Fathers playground, the quantum field. Any body who wishes to explore the quantum field I highly recommend Dr Joe Dispenza, and allow him to give you a simplified breakdown of such phenomenon or seek out his documentary series Rewired on Gaia. How did Jesus know of a field of energy, that is only recently coming into light through scientific discovery, 2020 years ago? He is the Son of God, God Incarnate, only The Creator of this miraculous universe could have known such secrets and use them so selflessly that he would sacrifice his own life, and through his blood and his blood alone,  allow us to be saved from our sins and be forgiven and anointed by His Holy Spirit of which he left for us.

This made me reflect my own life and my own identity and all of the things I once identified with, and things I didn’t identify with, and I was able to begin breaking down the walls and shed layers of my ego that has controlled me so much throughout my life. Now looking upon Jesus and realising that this man sacrificed his own life for me, I was able to begin making sacrifices of my own, some easier than others.

When we meet somebody in our lives that we resonate with like nobody else we have ever met, or could possibly ever meet, naturally, the desire to be together is extremely strong, especially when the feeling is mutual. Stepping out of ‘my’ own shoes in such a situation is most certainly not something I would have found easy when placing high importance on my desires. However, sacrifices must be made, and the sacrifice of our desires is certainly a starting point. The depths of such resonance are hard to understand, however, when such beautiful experiences are placed in the hands of The Lord, we can only know that he will see to it as he wishes.

The man who is writing this blog is an extremely different one from the man who wrote the first blog back on the 11th March 2018. I have gone through a lot of changes over the years, I began deep work on my ego in 2017 where I was blessed to discover Bill Plotkin, a depth psychologist I have mentioned in previous blogs. His work is truly profound and it gave me, and continues to give me, new insights to the dimensions of my own identity and ego. At the start of last year I was in Australia at Happy Buddha Retreats and I began my journey with dreadlocks. This was something I wasn’t sure I would ever do, while growing my hair out people would ask if i was going to get them dreaded and I would always say no. Something to do with rebelling against conformity I suppose, however, I had a dream one night where I had dreadlocks so I decided to roll with it, and I am so glad I did as I learned an awful lot in the year that I had them.

The projection of beauty is certainly an interesting topic to discuss, which I wont go into right now, perhaps I could write another blog on such a subject some other time. Right now, it is relevant because once I had began opening my heart up to Christ and realising who He is, a man free from ego, I began introspectively questioning how my dreadlocks were serving me and what is it that these fibres attached to my head were projecting to others. Okay, they might of looked good, but what else did they say about me? I mean, there is a certain level of symbolism and stereotyping that goes on when it concerns people with dreadlocks, the number one thing that springs to mind is drug use, mainly cannabis. Once upon a time, this would have been an extremely accurate projection of myself, along with all of the other drugs I used to indulge in when I was fanatical about festivals. However, that is not who I am anymore, and not something I wished to identify with any longer. It is safe to say, the dreadlocks are no more and it is amazing how liberated I feel because of such a simple change. I feel freed from all of these older versions of myself, that as I said before were clinging on to me by the threads of my hair.

This transition has taken me by surprise, it is incredible that my whole life view was shattered in an instant, all because I opened my heart up to Jesus. The feeling of love and peace I have felt ever since this monumental moment is overwhelming, and I pray that more of us can drop the defences of our ego’s for just a moment to try to understand the truth in Christ, and allow for themselves to, like me, be forgiven for all of their sins and begin walking the path of righteousness. What have we got to lose but our old identities that are rooted in sin? What have we got to gain other than eternal life that is rooted in love! I know which path I’d prefer to walk.

A will take this time to note that, I am not claiming we will be free from ego when we open our hearts up to Jesus Christ, shedding layers of our ego’s is a very deep work which is not undergone lightly. It will inevitably shake our entire beings down to our cores and cause a flooding of emotion and  likely depression when we wake up to the destructiveness of such a phenomenon. What I will claim is that, this journey will be made a lot easier under the protection and guidance of The Holy Spirit.

Where does that leave me now? I don’t know, and there is a beauty in not knowing, but what I do know, is that my heart belongs to Jesus Christ and that He is somebody that I will happily identify with, for he surpasses any other man to have ever walked this earth. This is solidified in his selfless sacrifice, of which he made for me, and you, and that is why, all of the glory be to God. Amen.


Awakening Spirit, Deepening Soul

I do not even know where to begin with this blog! I have so many thoughts buzzing around my head that it is very hard for me to begin elaborating them in a beautifully scripted post that I hope will inspire and touch people as they are all seemingly incomprehensible right now! However, I will do my best to articulate my thought patterns, which right now I am not sure are even mine, and paint an image of promise and hope!

I will begin by discussing what I mean by Awakening Spirit. For me, this means saying yes to life, saying thanks and expressing gratitude for the opportunity to awaken to this miraculous landscape, allowing faith to flood our lives and take us on the deepest of journeys that will inevitably heal us from the inside out, and also allowing ourselves to open up to our vulnerabilities and begin exploring the depths of our emotional selves.

What happens when we do begin to awaken our spirits is that we have an encounter with our souls. I will come back to this, as I want to first throw some ideas out there of how we can make this possible, and for me, why it is important.

To start with I invite you to relax and close down your eyes and allow all of your focus to fall on your breathing, the inhalation of your breath and the rising of your chest, followed by, the exhalation and the falling of your chest. Find a rhythm and be present with it, take a few moments to honour that space, and know, that this space exists in a continuum and is always readily available for us us to enter and simply just, be. After all, being is a fundamental part of being a human being.

This small practice is a tiny step into the deep fathoms of meditation which is one of the oldest spiritual practices known to us. This practice doesn’t continue to reach us over thousands of years by chance, no, it is a gift, one we must hold onto and cherish. I see meditation as an opportunity to honour ourselves , and in turn, honour the totality of life.

What meditation brings into my life, as it does for so many others, is clarity. With this clarity of thought we can begin to allow our minds to open and allow new light to seep between the cracks we begin to expose, giving us a whole new perspective as to what our purpose might be and a new found awareness to our humanness.

This is important on so many levels, particularly in a time where division prevails over unity! The age old dynamic of us and them is toxic, and for me, a new found awareness of our humanness is exactly what we need to begin breaking down this old worldview, that has become so deeply rooted into our beings and everyday lives through centuries of conditioning that has made us buy into the idea that there really is, an us and a them.

When we awaken our spirit and begin exploring the truths found in spiritual practices, whether it be a simple practice of meditation or devotional worship to Jesus or any other religion we so wish to explore, what we do is we start realising the toxicity of the dynamic of us and them.

Then what starts coming up to the surface is our restless souls, of which, tend to have been neglected as we have allowed our lives to be saturated with egocentric behaviour patterns that enforce that old dynamic. When we begin to deepen our encounters with our souls, we are reminded of and shown one of our most beautiful and treasured aspects of our human divinities, empathy.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that deepening our relationships with our souls is an easy journey, however, it is a worthy one. When we rekindle our relationships with our truly empathetic selves we will face a time of deep sadness and pain, pain that isn’t even just of our own, but the entire global population. This is a natural process, it is also a time for us to say thank you to the aspects of our nature that have prevented us from feeling this pain throughout our lives, and honourably insist that our newly, spiritually transformed selves will take control of our emotional lives.

We do this so we can feel deeply into each other and begin laying new foundations for our souls to become the way makers of our lives. We do this as all of our souls are not just a single entity that is to be experienced on an individual level, no, we do this as our souls are intertwined and have been woven together since the unfolding of the universe began.

What I have come to understand recently, through deepening my own journey to my soul and enriching my life with the scriptures of the bible and regular meditation, is that we have always been and always will be, in the hands of God. When we open up to this faith and universal truth, no matter what your interpretation of God might be, we begin the much needed process of Awakening our Spirits and allowing them to guide us on our journeys deep into the soul of the world.

The reason this is a worthy journey is because there is so much beauty in compassion, love and empathy that it will truly allow us to love thy neighbour and begin taking down the fences in our gardens, removing the borders in our countries as we open our hearts up to each other and the world and prevent the division as we all unite as a species that has the ability to be with one another.

Just what I needed!

Sometimes, life can seriously get the better of us, particularly in this artificial landscape where we have become so saturated by this superficiality that we deem so important. It’s so easy to forget about what truly matters to us as we allow our minds to take full control and chaotically drag us around like a runaway train. I mean, at least that’s how I feel sometimes, more so now than ever before as I transition from full-time nomad to full-time student. The relentless pull back towards the undeniably blissful experience that being on the road in an unknown land, in an unknown culture and walking an unknown path, is.

Anybody who knows me would tell you that I am such a positive and vibrant person who only ever sees the best in life, as if I viewed life through lenses made of diamonds. It is absolutely true for the most part, however, sometimes lenses can become foggy and need cleaning. After all, I am human, just like you, and feel every emotion we have the ability to experience on this earthly plain. Which means that sometimes the energy in motion I am feeling may well be sadness, loneliness, anger, or even very sporadically, depression. Believe it or not, I am grateful for these times as there is always a lesson and an opportunity for development, it also brings about balance when we are living in duality; it makes the experience human.

When I sit with these emotions and be present with them instead of masking the symptoms by numbing my mind, or as I have done my whole life; ran away from them, they tell me what I need most. Normally, I realise I have entered into that superficial state and just need to bring myself back to the centre of my being, ground myself, breathe deep and listen to the sounds of my heart as it plays out its own rhythm. This time, whilst I listened intently, positive affirmations on repeat in my mind, I knew what I needed, I needed that tribal connection, a sense of community and belonging that has been neglected in our societies for quite sometime throughout the years of industry and technology.

As much a there is a certain sense of community living here in the graceful presence of Bridget, volunteering for Finchams Farm Turnaround Stays, I still needed something more. After about two weeks of this feeling of uncertainty, I woke up this morning, did my affirmations and I felt called to go to church with Bridget. I didn’t hesitate once, I immediately got myself ready and told Bridget I would be joining her.

On arrival to Hope Church, Thetford, we had a cup of tea and got straight into singing songs of worship. The first song nearly had me in tears, I was so happy to be there and so thankful to myself for listening to that intuitive voice and going along! I hadn’t been to church for a very longtime, in fact, I am not sure I ever really went to church as it carries a certain stigma which I  now think is absolutely detrimental to the development of our communities as the connection to spirit is a huge part of living a healthy and fulfilling life!

Just being there, with all of these other people, just ordinary beings, like you and I, singing songs of praise, felt incredible. In that there is community, in that there is belonging, in that I see, deeply rooted, a connection to tribe, a connection that has been severed for so many of us, a connection we could all do with re-connecting to to bring about a certain sense of peace, a much needed dimension for all of us on this planet.

I do understand that most people may feel like this isn’t for them as they are not religious, I felt like that for a long time as well until I realised that there was so much more to it than just religion. I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God. God is a powerful word and in itself carries a stigma, I understand now that God is subjective to the individual and is heavily dependant on personal interpretation. Who am I to judge others and their interpretations, and why should I let that deter me from experiencing such powerful, binding moments of unity. It is safe to say that going to church was just what I needed, and it is most definitely going to be something I will be doing on a weekly basis from this day forth as it really is, nurturing.DSC_0198



A Penny for your thoughts…

Coco and Penny

This is a tale of two dogs, Coco and Penny. They are the most adorable little chihuahuas, they make the best companions and together they melt hearts, particularly the hearts of our family, friends and now you!

The tale begins with Coco, he was so tiny when he was born, he could fit in the palm of my hand!

The handsome Coco

With everybody working all the time my mum decided Coco needed a friend to keep him company in the day. This is when we were blessed with bringing Penny, the most fragile of animals, home after she had been rescued.

Penny was ill treated for her entire life, she was force bred in a cage by some sick people who only cared about money! I find it interesting how this insignificant material turns people into greedy beings with no compassion towards who/what we are affecting with our behaviour.

Our precious Penny

Penny was so timid and frightened when she first came back to our loving household. She would often flinch, she would wee all over the house and she would occasionally have fits bought on from her traumatic start to life in the hands of them monsters!

These are things she still does occasionally, but we comfort her, we clean up after her and make sure she is showered with the love that all beings deserve!

It has been incredible watching Penny adapt to the daily routine of a dogs life in a loving home. How she has copied Coco in her attempt at learning how to behave in her new environment. Coco is a boy so he naturally cocks his leg when he goes to the toilet, penny is a girl and she will also, funnily, cock her leg!

Truly amazing to see such behaviour in another species. I ask myself how much stronger the influencial behaviourisms within our own adaptive species are in comparison to a dogs. Especially with the addition of speech to aid us in the learning process.

My mind works in a way that everything gets processed with depth, those who know me will understand this when they see my brain in action as it deciphers the puzzling world.

So I have to further ask myself why, when we can observe this behaviour in the life of dog, do we as a supposedly more intelligent being continue to behave in such destructive ways? This happens on all levels of society, particularly in the lower classes, which is where we observe characteristics from archetypes such as the wounded child, the escapist/addict, the rebel or the victim and more!

Since the dawning of Blue Planet 2 we have seen such a drastic change in our consciousness towards plastic pollution, this is amazing, it is so great to see the impact it is having in the UK and how the ripples are reaching the entire globe! When we all change our behaviour together, in unison, we send out a stronger message to the rest of the world. The power contained in a collective consciousness is unfathomable. It appeared we were starting to harness this power, together as a nation, as a species, to move in the right direction to actually begin rectifying the damage we have caused!

Then Easter came around and we all went out and bought lots of Easter eggs and other unnecessary commodities that the corporate elite push onto is in these false festive times. They continue to push these commodities onto us as we continue to buy them, and for the sake of what? Upholding a tradition that lost its truer deeper meaning within our colonial past.

You are probably thinking what has this got to do with my dogs? Well, after observing these two dogs grow together over the years and now to see Penny be the beautiful little dog she is today, it is so comforting! In this symbiotic relationship my dogs share, I observe some amazing characteristics, the same characteristics we all have inside us deep down. The possibilities when sentient beings are born and raised in a loving environment is incredible. What is even more incredible is when we take a sentient being from a chaotic environment and it manages to adapt to its environment and thrive with such joy. A clear sign that hope will forever exist.

One of the most significant reads of our times!

I do believe we can re connect with our truly sentient selves but we have a monstrous task of taking control of our egos and cultivating them in a way that is not just beneficial to ourselves, but is beneficial to our species as a whole.

I hear you, impulsive desires, I hear you.

I shall not act, I shall not act.

Understand why,

for the planet

is bigger than I.

Now remember, for every action there is a reaction. So act positively, love unconditionally, be respectful, be mindful and live in peace. We are in this together. Let us not make our next phase of evolution; extinction!

In the universe, I trust.

We all have to cross bridges in our lives.

It seems my time in Scotland is going to be short lived, yesterday I sustained an injury on my hypermobile hip joint while out walking. This is preventing me from working so it does not make sense for me to stay here especially if I cannot move my leg!

The walk the injury was developed on was filled with all the incredible beauty you would expect to see in the Highlands. The Scottish air is refreshingly crisp and being the only person for miles it is blissfully peaceful.

Remnants of an old pine forest.

The shrubs of heather stretch out as far as the eye can see, and amongst the foliage there is an assortment of wildlife awaiting to be seen. The rivers and streams meander over the land creating that luscious sound of continuously flowing water.

Our vital source of life crashing over rocks.

I love being out here alone and away from the societal issues we are faced with in these uncertain times. Out here in the hills, there is no judgement, just curious critters wondering who this strange 6ft 4in mammal is that walks on, not four, but two legs is!

I see Ewe…

The excitement I get when I am walking areas I have not explored before is the same excitement I get when I head to a new country or culture. It is about entering into the world of the unknown, where expectations are dissolved and disappointment non existent, a journey of discovery, internally and externally.

I can get carried away when I walk though, I never wish to stop, which is the way I felt about travelling once I began doing that in 2011.

I love staring into the darkness of a forest wondering what woodland creatures are contained within!

This walk is no exception. I decide, under the impression that I have work at 6, to walk through to Kingussie after seeing a sign stating it is three and a half miles away. I trek over streams, alongside forests, through heather and swamp until I reach Loch Gynack.

Loch Gynack.

This is a small loch in comparison to some of the other lochs I have been blessed to have laid eyes upon in this life, but just as majestic nonetheless. I continue the path through wilderness and woods until I reach a waypoint on the far side of the loch.

What to do?

It is here it dawns on me that, I got my start time mixed up and I am meant to be in at five. My heart desires to reach the top of Craeg Bheag as there is no better feeling than to reach the summit of a peak and stare out across the land you have just traversed.

I look to my clock and it is 15:10, I have an hour and ten minutes to make it back to Newtonmore. I do not linger long and decide I cannot deny my hearts wishes and begin my ascent immediately.

It is not long until I reach the top, I do not see a path heading down the other side and into Kingussie so I must go back the way I came. This time I must move with speed as it is now 15:30 and I am not sure on what time public transport in Kingussie heads to Newtonmore.

As it is my second shift I decide I cannot be late and begin my race against time. I start running down the side of the Craeg.

Long story short I made it for work, however, I decided to film this part of my adventure so you can watch the video ‘Better not be late’ on my YouTube channel Wandering Spirit. It is quite entertaining actually, I hope you enjoy it.

So last night I couldn’t sleep as the pain was unbearable, today I am unable to move my leg without having shooting and throbbing pains unleashed upon me. I have been to see a doctor who has said I need to rest it for a couple of weeks and then go back if it is still just as bad in a week.

Upon telling my employer he says it will just be best if I go home in this case, I watch the cloud roll in as, for me, this is financially tragic. I am not going to worry myself about my situation for there is no need, I know every cloud has a silver lining even if it is not made visible for an unknown period of time and for me that is the deepest reason as to why patience truly is a virtue.

Like many of times in the past, I put my trust in the universe for it is all I can do as I stare unemployment in the face again.