Jesus has my heart.

One of the blogs I posted recently, Just what I needed, I wrote towards the end, ‘I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God.’. In such a short time, mostly in the experience of the sense of love that comes with opening your heart up to Jesus, my perspective on this sentence has changed dramatically.

Let me dissect this for you a little, and hopefully bring you to a deeper understanding of the life changing transition I have been going through and why it is vitally important we all begin such transitions, sooner rather than later.

The first part of the sentence I want to focus on is the first two words, ‘I don’t’. One of the most ongoing discussions throughout all of the ages has been the philosophical/psychological question of, who am ‘I’, or, who is this ‘I’ I speak of, essentially, what is that makes me, me. I am not going to even begin to break that down in this blog as I could, and will, write a book about such things at some later stage in this life. So for now, I will say in short that the make up of ‘I’ is filled with a lot of variables and complex processes that  create our identities. Our identities are made up of all of the things we identify with, or don’t identify with perhaps. The reason for such identification is complex of course, however, in a nutshell, it is made up from our moral, social, psychological, political and spiritual understanding of the world.

When I said, ‘ I don’t actually identify with any religion myself’, what I was saying there is, I chose not to identify with any religion because I was, like so many more millions of people, led to believe all the dogma and wrong doings that have happened all around the world in the name of a religion, and in this case Christianity. Why would I want to identify with a religion that has condoned war? What about the shocking cases of paedophilia within the Church? When stories like this are common knowledge, it is very easy for people to generalise such events and impose these views on Christianity as whole. It was even easier for me to not identify with any religion as the rebellious version of me was still present, clinging on to me by the threads of my hair.

However, something happened at Hope Church Thetford, I realised the truth in Jesus Christ, and have since been discovering even more mind-blowing truths about the Son of God. If we look at the whole sentence, ‘I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God.’, we can see in the second half of the sentence that I have an understanding of God. This understanding has only been confirmed and re-solidified by opening the doors of my heart to Jesus, in which there is only space for him, and one other when God permits, but foremost my heart is now home to our Saviour.

A huge part of this acceptance has been looking upon Jesus in awe, I see a man who was able to perform miracles as he was free from ego, which allowed him to dance and play so effortlessly in Our Fathers playground, the quantum field. Any body who wishes to explore the quantum field I highly recommend Dr Joe Dispenza, and allow him to give you a simplified breakdown of such phenomenon or seek out his documentary series Rewired on Gaia. How did Jesus know of a field of energy, that is only recently coming into light through scientific discovery, 2020 years ago? He is the Son of God, God Incarnate, only The Creator of this miraculous universe could have known such secrets and use them so selflessly that he would sacrifice his own life, and through his blood and his blood alone,  allow us to be saved from our sins and be forgiven and anointed by His Holy Spirit of which he left for us.

This made me reflect my own life and my own identity and all of the things I once identified with, and things I didn’t identify with, and I was able to begin breaking down the walls and shed layers of my ego that has controlled me so much throughout my life. Now looking upon Jesus and realising that this man sacrificed his own life for me, I was able to begin making sacrifices of my own, some easier than others.

When we meet somebody in our lives that we resonate with like nobody else we have ever met, or could possibly ever meet, naturally, the desire to be together is extremely strong, especially when the feeling is mutual. Stepping out of ‘my’ own shoes in such a situation is most certainly not something I would have found easy when placing high importance on my desires. However, sacrifices must be made, and the sacrifice of our desires is certainly a starting point. The depths of such resonance are hard to understand, however, when such beautiful experiences are placed in the hands of The Lord, we can only know that he will see to it as he wishes.

The man who is writing this blog is an extremely different one from the man who wrote the first blog back on the 11th March 2018. I have gone through a lot of changes over the years, I began deep work on my ego in 2017 where I was blessed to discover Bill Plotkin, a depth psychologist I have mentioned in previous blogs. His work is truly profound and it gave me, and continues to give me, new insights to the dimensions of my own identity and ego. At the start of last year I was in Australia at Happy Buddha Retreats and I began my journey with dreadlocks. This was something I wasn’t sure I would ever do, while growing my hair out people would ask if i was going to get them dreaded and I would always say no. Something to do with rebelling against conformity I suppose, however, I had a dream one night where I had dreadlocks so I decided to roll with it, and I am so glad I did as I learned an awful lot in the year that I had them.

The projection of beauty is certainly an interesting topic to discuss, which I wont go into right now, perhaps I could write another blog on such a subject some other time. Right now, it is relevant because once I had began opening my heart up to Christ and realising who He is, a man free from ego, I began introspectively questioning how my dreadlocks were serving me and what is it that these fibres attached to my head were projecting to others. Okay, they might of looked good, but what else did they say about me? I mean, there is a certain level of symbolism and stereotyping that goes on when it concerns people with dreadlocks, the number one thing that springs to mind is drug use, mainly cannabis. Once upon a time, this would have been an extremely accurate projection of myself, along with all of the other drugs I used to indulge in when I was fanatical about festivals. However, that is not who I am anymore, and not something I wished to identify with any longer. It is safe to say, the dreadlocks are no more and it is amazing how liberated I feel because of such a simple change. I feel freed from all of these older versions of myself, that as I said before were clinging on to me by the threads of my hair.

This transition has taken me by surprise, it is incredible that my whole life view was shattered in an instant, all because I opened my heart up to Jesus. The feeling of love and peace I have felt ever since this monumental moment is overwhelming, and I pray that more of us can drop the defences of our ego’s for just a moment to try to understand the truth in Christ, and allow for themselves to, like me, be forgiven for all of their sins and begin walking the path of righteousness. What have we got to lose but our old identities that are rooted in sin? What have we got to gain other than eternal life that is rooted in love! I know which path I’d prefer to walk.

A will take this time to note that, I am not claiming we will be free from ego when we open our hearts up to Jesus Christ, shedding layers of our ego’s is a very deep work which is not undergone lightly. It will inevitably shake our entire beings down to our cores and cause a flooding of emotion and  likely depression when we wake up to the destructiveness of such a phenomenon. What I will claim is that, this journey will be made a lot easier under the protection and guidance of The Holy Spirit.

Where does that leave me now? I don’t know, and there is a beauty in not knowing, but what I do know, is that my heart belongs to Jesus Christ and that He is somebody that I will happily identify with, for he surpasses any other man to have ever walked this earth. This is solidified in his selfless sacrifice, of which he made for me, and you, and that is why, all of the glory be to God. Amen.