Jesus has my heart.

One of the blogs I posted recently, Just what I needed, I wrote towards the end, ‘I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God.’. In such a short time, mostly in the experience of the sense of love that comes with opening your heart up to Jesus, my perspective on this sentence has changed dramatically.

Let me dissect this for you a little, and hopefully bring you to a deeper understanding of the life changing transition I have been going through and why it is vitally important we all begin such transitions, sooner rather than later.

The first part of the sentence I want to focus on is the first two words, ‘I don’t’. One of the most ongoing discussions throughout all of the ages has been the philosophical/psychological question of, who am ‘I’, or, who is this ‘I’ I speak of, essentially, what is that makes me, me. I am not going to even begin to break that down in this blog as I could, and will, write a book about such things at some later stage in this life. So for now, I will say in short that the make up of ‘I’ is filled with a lot of variables and complex processes that  create our identities. Our identities are made up of all of the things we identify with, or don’t identify with perhaps. The reason for such identification is complex of course, however, in a nutshell, it is made up from our moral, social, psychological, political and spiritual understanding of the world.

When I said, ‘ I don’t actually identify with any religion myself’, what I was saying there is, I chose not to identify with any religion because I was, like so many more millions of people, led to believe all the dogma and wrong doings that have happened all around the world in the name of a religion, and in this case Christianity. Why would I want to identify with a religion that has condoned war? What about the shocking cases of paedophilia within the Church? When stories like this are common knowledge, it is very easy for people to generalise such events and impose these views on Christianity as whole. It was even easier for me to not identify with any religion as the rebellious version of me was still present, clinging on to me by the threads of my hair.

However, something happened at Hope Church Thetford, I realised the truth in Jesus Christ, and have since been discovering even more mind-blowing truths about the Son of God. If we look at the whole sentence, ‘I don’t actually identify with any religion myself, but I do have a deep understanding about the notion of God.’, we can see in the second half of the sentence that I have an understanding of God. This understanding has only been confirmed and re-solidified by opening the doors of my heart to Jesus, in which there is only space for him, and one other when God permits, but foremost my heart is now home to our Saviour.

A huge part of this acceptance has been looking upon Jesus in awe, I see a man who was able to perform miracles as he was free from ego, which allowed him to dance and play so effortlessly in Our Fathers playground, the quantum field. Any body who wishes to explore the quantum field I highly recommend Dr Joe Dispenza, and allow him to give you a simplified breakdown of such phenomenon or seek out his documentary series Rewired on Gaia. How did Jesus know of a field of energy, that is only recently coming into light through scientific discovery, 2020 years ago? He is the Son of God, God Incarnate, only The Creator of this miraculous universe could have known such secrets and use them so selflessly that he would sacrifice his own life, and through his blood and his blood alone,  allow us to be saved from our sins and be forgiven and anointed by His Holy Spirit of which he left for us.

This made me reflect my own life and my own identity and all of the things I once identified with, and things I didn’t identify with, and I was able to begin breaking down the walls and shed layers of my ego that has controlled me so much throughout my life. Now looking upon Jesus and realising that this man sacrificed his own life for me, I was able to begin making sacrifices of my own, some easier than others.

When we meet somebody in our lives that we resonate with like nobody else we have ever met, or could possibly ever meet, naturally, the desire to be together is extremely strong, especially when the feeling is mutual. Stepping out of ‘my’ own shoes in such a situation is most certainly not something I would have found easy when placing high importance on my desires. However, sacrifices must be made, and the sacrifice of our desires is certainly a starting point. The depths of such resonance are hard to understand, however, when such beautiful experiences are placed in the hands of The Lord, we can only know that he will see to it as he wishes.

The man who is writing this blog is an extremely different one from the man who wrote the first blog back on the 11th March 2018. I have gone through a lot of changes over the years, I began deep work on my ego in 2017 where I was blessed to discover Bill Plotkin, a depth psychologist I have mentioned in previous blogs. His work is truly profound and it gave me, and continues to give me, new insights to the dimensions of my own identity and ego. At the start of last year I was in Australia at Happy Buddha Retreats and I began my journey with dreadlocks. This was something I wasn’t sure I would ever do, while growing my hair out people would ask if i was going to get them dreaded and I would always say no. Something to do with rebelling against conformity I suppose, however, I had a dream one night where I had dreadlocks so I decided to roll with it, and I am so glad I did as I learned an awful lot in the year that I had them.

The projection of beauty is certainly an interesting topic to discuss, which I wont go into right now, perhaps I could write another blog on such a subject some other time. Right now, it is relevant because once I had began opening my heart up to Christ and realising who He is, a man free from ego, I began introspectively questioning how my dreadlocks were serving me and what is it that these fibres attached to my head were projecting to others. Okay, they might of looked good, but what else did they say about me? I mean, there is a certain level of symbolism and stereotyping that goes on when it concerns people with dreadlocks, the number one thing that springs to mind is drug use, mainly cannabis. Once upon a time, this would have been an extremely accurate projection of myself, along with all of the other drugs I used to indulge in when I was fanatical about festivals. However, that is not who I am anymore, and not something I wished to identify with any longer. It is safe to say, the dreadlocks are no more and it is amazing how liberated I feel because of such a simple change. I feel freed from all of these older versions of myself, that as I said before were clinging on to me by the threads of my hair.

This transition has taken me by surprise, it is incredible that my whole life view was shattered in an instant, all because I opened my heart up to Jesus. The feeling of love and peace I have felt ever since this monumental moment is overwhelming, and I pray that more of us can drop the defences of our ego’s for just a moment to try to understand the truth in Christ, and allow for themselves to, like me, be forgiven for all of their sins and begin walking the path of righteousness. What have we got to lose but our old identities that are rooted in sin? What have we got to gain other than eternal life that is rooted in love! I know which path I’d prefer to walk.

A will take this time to note that, I am not claiming we will be free from ego when we open our hearts up to Jesus Christ, shedding layers of our ego’s is a very deep work which is not undergone lightly. It will inevitably shake our entire beings down to our cores and cause a flooding of emotion and  likely depression when we wake up to the destructiveness of such a phenomenon. What I will claim is that, this journey will be made a lot easier under the protection and guidance of The Holy Spirit.

Where does that leave me now? I don’t know, and there is a beauty in not knowing, but what I do know, is that my heart belongs to Jesus Christ and that He is somebody that I will happily identify with, for he surpasses any other man to have ever walked this earth. This is solidified in his selfless sacrifice, of which he made for me, and you, and that is why, all of the glory be to God. Amen.

 

The Importance of Desires

Buenos dias!

Something that has been coming up a lot lately is the importance of desires. Why is it we put such importance on our desires? What measures do we go to to achieve these desires? Is there an alternative way of approaching desire, one that doesn’t leave us face to face with the unhappiness we experience when our desires are not fulfilled? These are just a few questions that come to mind when considering my own desires.

To begin with, I believe we put such importance on our desires due to the effects social conditioning has had on the dynamics of our culture. A culture that is solely based on consumption and the idea that this consumption generates happiness. So what is it that we are likely to desire in this cultural dynamic? A new car, new house, new partner, new job? This is all well and good, but again, why is it that we put such importance on these desires, as if what we already have isn’t good enough, which as I said before, is likely due to the effects of social conditioning. Does that mean we are conditioned to feel inadequate, like we are not good enough, like we need to improve ourselves and the way to do this, as advertisement so regularly suggests, is to desire new things or relationships with others.

This is seemingly unavoidable as we are born into this cultural narrative, meaning we are conditioned from a very young age to desire the things we haven’t got. How far are we willing to go to satisfy these desires, what extremities must we endure to achieve the desired outcome, whatever that might be? I met a guy once who continued working a job for over two years, where he would have a panic attack most days at work as he absolutely hated the job, just so he could upkeep his social image, his car, his apartment, his television etc. He was so conditioned to believe that all of these external projections of his social status were absolutely essential to his happiness and feeling successful based on these material objects. Although this is absolutely insane, it is something I have been subject to in the past myself. That may seem to be an extreme example, however, it is a very real scenario in which people face in today’s society. Ready for the paradox of all of this, we endure unhappiness to achieve happiness?

Now we can ask, is there an alternative approach to achieving our desires? Do we actually already have everything we need contained in our bags of skin as Alan Watts so rightly describes us? If so, how do we bypass our desires and access this abundant happiness?

The alternative approach to our desires is to let go of them completely, or at least letting go of the importance of them. A part of the conditioning is that we place such importance on our desires and we become so attached to the perceived outcome that we end up in the paradox described above. Something that is not practised much in the Western world is the power of detachment, not just the detachment to our material world in a physical sense but more importantly, the detachment of the ideas we formulate in our minds of how we can be happy within a material world. It is the attachment to these ideas that lead us in to the undesirable paradox. Happiness is an emotion, energy in motion, it will only ever be temporary, this is a huge part of the human condition.

The way around the human condition, that is to identify with our experience and label all that comes to pass is to begin a regular practise of stillness, of silence, of meditation. I am not claiming to be an expert in this field, but I do know from experience that when we regularly enter this space of awareness we bring ourselves back down into our true selves, the way God intended for us to be. It is in this place we can begin making informed decisions that are centred in our hearts, and not our heads. When we make our primary objective to commune with God in the silence of our hearts, we naturally let go of all of our other desires entirely. It is not to say we cannot still pursue our desires, instead we begin doing so from a much calmer and accepting place, a place that has transcended mind, a place that does not place such importance in the pursuit. This happens as we become aware of the ultimate truth, God has provided us with all that we need to survive in unity with one another, a unity that only exists when we all live from our hearts, and not our heads.

We would all agree that living in unity with one another is the most desirable outcome for all who are graced to live in this beautiful world, so let us all rejoice in letting go and detaching ourselves from our desires and allow our hearts to take the steering wheels of our lives. Allow them to steer us back into The Kingdom of God. Amen

Awakening Spirit, Deepening Soul

I do not even know where to begin with this blog! I have so many thoughts buzzing around my head that it is very hard for me to begin elaborating them in a beautifully scripted post that I hope will inspire and touch people as they are all seemingly incomprehensible right now! However, I will do my best to articulate my thought patterns, which right now I am not sure are even mine, and paint an image of promise and hope!

I will begin by discussing what I mean by Awakening Spirit. For me, this means saying yes to life, saying thanks and expressing gratitude for the opportunity to awaken to this miraculous landscape, allowing faith to flood our lives and take us on the deepest of journeys that will inevitably heal us from the inside out, and also allowing ourselves to open up to our vulnerabilities and begin exploring the depths of our emotional selves.

What happens when we do begin to awaken our spirits is that we have an encounter with our souls. I will come back to this, as I want to first throw some ideas out there of how we can make this possible, and for me, why it is important.

To start with I invite you to relax and close down your eyes and allow all of your focus to fall on your breathing, the inhalation of your breath and the rising of your chest, followed by, the exhalation and the falling of your chest. Find a rhythm and be present with it, take a few moments to honour that space, and know, that this space exists in a continuum and is always readily available for us us to enter and simply just, be. After all, being is a fundamental part of being a human being.

This small practice is a tiny step into the deep fathoms of meditation which is one of the oldest spiritual practices known to us. This practice doesn’t continue to reach us over thousands of years by chance, no, it is a gift, one we must hold onto and cherish. I see meditation as an opportunity to honour ourselves , and in turn, honour the totality of life.

What meditation brings into my life, as it does for so many others, is clarity. With this clarity of thought we can begin to allow our minds to open and allow new light to seep between the cracks we begin to expose, giving us a whole new perspective as to what our purpose might be and a new found awareness to our humanness.

This is important on so many levels, particularly in a time where division prevails over unity! The age old dynamic of us and them is toxic, and for me, a new found awareness of our humanness is exactly what we need to begin breaking down this old worldview, that has become so deeply rooted into our beings and everyday lives through centuries of conditioning that has made us buy into the idea that there really is, an us and a them.

When we awaken our spirit and begin exploring the truths found in spiritual practices, whether it be a simple practice of meditation or devotional worship to Jesus or any other religion we so wish to explore, what we do is we start realising the toxicity of the dynamic of us and them.

Then what starts coming up to the surface is our restless souls, of which, tend to have been neglected as we have allowed our lives to be saturated with egocentric behaviour patterns that enforce that old dynamic. When we begin to deepen our encounters with our souls, we are reminded of and shown one of our most beautiful and treasured aspects of our human divinities, empathy.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that deepening our relationships with our souls is an easy journey, however, it is a worthy one. When we rekindle our relationships with our truly empathetic selves we will face a time of deep sadness and pain, pain that isn’t even just of our own, but the entire global population. This is a natural process, it is also a time for us to say thank you to the aspects of our nature that have prevented us from feeling this pain throughout our lives, and honourably insist that our newly, spiritually transformed selves will take control of our emotional lives.

We do this so we can feel deeply into each other and begin laying new foundations for our souls to become the way makers of our lives. We do this as all of our souls are not just a single entity that is to be experienced on an individual level, no, we do this as our souls are intertwined and have been woven together since the unfolding of the universe began.

What I have come to understand recently, through deepening my own journey to my soul and enriching my life with the scriptures of the bible and regular meditation, is that we have always been and always will be, in the hands of God. When we open up to this faith and universal truth, no matter what your interpretation of God might be, we begin the much needed process of Awakening our Spirits and allowing them to guide us on our journeys deep into the soul of the world.

The reason this is a worthy journey is because there is so much beauty in compassion, love and empathy that it will truly allow us to love thy neighbour and begin taking down the fences in our gardens, removing the borders in our countries as we open our hearts up to each other and the world and prevent the division as we all unite as a species that has the ability to be with one another.

Back in the Highlands!

It feels great to be back in the Highlands! As I sit here gazing out the window of the train, reflecting my last journey up here and how important that phase of my life shaped up to be.

At the time I was gripped by a pretty harsh psychosis, it rendered me vulnerable to the world and very nearly took my life. It is the hardest test I have undergone in this life and I am grateful to sit here now, over a year later, being able to relay this enlightening experience.

Just when I needed an escape a fleeting voice passed through my inner ears guiding me to Scotland. “Live in job rural Scotland” was all the voice had said. Immediately I punched this into the almighty Google search and found myself applying for various vacancies.

An hour later I was exchanging emails with a self made hotelier Ian. After a few emails and a phone call he wished to employ me at The Ardeonaig Hotel situated on the Eastern shores of Loch Tay.

Upon arriving to the Ardeonaig, I was beginning to feel the grip of the demons loosen almost immediately. The place was fit for Kings and Queens, Gods and Goddesses and people of hierarchical importance. The place screamed elegance!

After my initial tour of the building I ventured into the gardens on my own and down to the jetty which offers the most incredible panoramic view of Loch Tay and the surrounding mountains!

It was autumn and the trees were displaying all the colours of the rainbow. It was at this moment I felt my whole body tingle as all of my pain and anguish was released from me and the demons blew away in the wind, as the angles descended they created ripples that stretched the entire expanse of the lake.

I looked to the skies and thanked the universe for; the excruciating test, the intuition, the strength, the willingness, the demons, the angels; for listening, for protecting me and for everything else in this world, good or bad.

I recalled in this moment a time not so long before spent with two people of great importance to me at Ashton Court in Bristol. It was here I was temporarily relaxed, surrounded by nature telling my companions how this is what I needed, some solitude in the mountains surrounded by rivers, lakes and trees. I thanked the universe over and over again.

I managed seven months before my wandering spirit was called back to adventure, this time I was pulled towards Andalucía, to meet a friend of mine to research permaculture and ecological living.

To this day I am not sure Ian will ever understand how much he helped me, how he took my arm and pulled me up from the depths of despair, a true saint. To him and his family I owe my thanks for providing the desperately needed solitude my soul craved.

This time round I am heading deeper into the Highlands for my next adventure, awaiting to be shown signs for my next path and to be engulfed by the magical aura of the snow capped peaks that cover the land.